Coaching meeting reflective entry (David Demers)

• ·         The coaching meeting will be to discuss and develop your understanding of what a good coach is with your coach

As the coachee, I questioned my coach on a few points that I found interesting and even somewhat surprising in his “500 worder”.  The coach must create a conducive atmosphere, and he must also develop a good understanding of “where the coachee is” and where he is going.  Of course, the final destination is often not immediately in view, but the coach must provide direction and feasible objectives on the way there.  When there appear to be barriers, the coach must facilitate uncovering the root problems and provide tools to the coachee to help in overcoming the problems.

What surprised me about my coaching experience (as coach and coachee) was that the conversation went to areas that I never could have anticipated.  I suppose that it should not have been a surprise since a goal of coaching is self-discovery of hidden character flaws (skeleton in the closet).  That goal is to shine light on the bones to understand what is/was there and how to overcome them, to leave them behind.

The key to coaching success is that the coachee goes into the exercise in the right mind-set.  He must work hard to obtain success, so having a negative outlook on coaching will make success virtually impossible.  That being said, the role of the coach is not easy either.  The coach must, at least partially, “get into the head” of the coachee to understand his challenges and steer him toward solutions.  This is difficult enough when the coach and coachee share a common background, but it is even more difficult when they are different cultures or even different genders.  Some cultures may find it difficult to “open up” to their coach (a classmate).  Other people may find it difficult “to let down their guard” if a member of the diad or triad is of another gender.  One could say that our coaching is a professional interaction, but the information being shared could get quite personal and it is not always easy for certain people to “let down their guard”.  Especially if that person has been putting forth “a façade” for so long that they have almost lost touch with “the person underneath”.  There must be great trust in the process, it must be understood, even stated out loud, that coaching conversations are confidential – that “what is said in the room stays in the room” (my apologies to Las Vegas tourism commercials).

What is coaching (David Demers)

From our session one PowerPoint presentation, there are five key processes in coaching:

 (1) Listening
 (2) Mirroring
 (3) Summarizing
 (4) Questioning
 (5) Catalyzing

 These are all activities from the perspective of the coach. However, it is also important to consider the coachee perspective. The coaching process is meant to be “a voyage of self-discovery” for the coachee. In order to profit from this process, the coachee must approach the process with an open mind. The coaching process is meant to provide the coachee with deep insights into their mental processes. Frequently, this discovery process can uncover some “uncomfortable truths”. The goal for the coachee is to “better know themself” in order to change actions that are either self-destructive or have negative consequences during personal interactions. In order to facilitate the learning process, the coach must create an open and trusting environment. The coachee must know that facts that are uncovered will not be used against them. The goal is to uncover the underlying reasons for the coachee’s ‘sub-optimal’ actions so that the coachee can both reduce poor behaviours and increase productive ones. A frequent occurrence is that the coachee uncovers some “fundamental truths” regarding human interactions and applies these principles throughout their interactions, whether personal or job-related. It is often the case that the coachee will have an “A-HA” moment during the coaching process. The result may be that the coachee can then apply the principles and knowledge to their professional, personal and ‘recreational’ (PPR) lives. As an example, the coachee may be experiencing difficulties in one (or two) of the PPR areas, while the others “seem to be OK”. After the ‘a-ha’ moment, the coachee may understand the root causes of the difficulties in the problematic area, and the coachee may understand why problems had previously arisen in the PPR areas that “seemed to be going well”. The goal is for the coachee to experience “enlightenment” and to be able to apply their lessons learned to all aspects of their life. From the coach’s perspective, the goal is to guide the coachee’s journey of self-discovery. Listening, then mirroring and summarizing help to ensure that the coach understands the coachee’s ‘messages’. This re-formulation may result in the coachee thinking “I never really thought of it that way”. This “message reflection” and asking clarifying questions helps the coach to better understand “where the coachee is coming from”. This “deep analysis”, guided by the coach, is meant to aid the coachee to better understand the underlying reasons for their actions. This deeper level of comprehension by the coachee will, ideally, catalyze their personal discovery process. The coach’s role is to help the coachee to go further and to develop useful insights into their behaviour. The coachee will develop a better understanding of how to improve their behaviour to achieve better outcomes in all areas of their life. The most important member of the coaching team is the coachee. If the coachee does not “open up”, it is virtually impossible for the coach to achieve success. That being said, the coach must create an environment conducive to facilitate the coachee’s voyage of personal discovery. The role of coaching is one of being a facilitator, it is the coachee “who does the hard self-discovery work”.

 Note: ‘pour alléger le texte”, I used the “singular their” instead of his/her for possessive pronouns.